This Was Supposed To Be a Consistent Blog…

It’s almost 5pm on a Sunday.

My wife is just waking up from a deep rest that we jokingly refer to as a ‘PLN’ or ‘post-liturgical nap’.

The soft gurgling of the fish tank across the couch fills the living room space with a sense of reflection.

It is here where I dare to resume what I had put off for a few months. It is in this space where I attempt to reignite the passion I had felt for about three months straight.

After all, the last attempt was supposed to be consistent.

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I could’ve resumed this blog with a post about some evocative topic. I could’ve pretended like I didn’t take a six-month hiatus.

But that wouldn’t have made for a good entry, would it?

So the burning question is…

What happened?

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The date is February 4th, 2025.

I’m lying down in a hotel room somewhere in Ocala, FL completely exhausted from an extended days’ worth of work. My phone buzzes abruptly waking me up from a near dream. It’s my wife calling me from back home.

She’s called to let me know that she is pregnant.

No one and nothing can prepare you for the feelings that you get when you learn that you have a child on the way. It’s as if you were standing on a mountaintop of anticipation and the clouds, in their various forms, surrounded you with an array of emotions. White wisps of joy and elation encircle you along with stretches of gray nimbus; anxiety, fear, concern.

And all the while, the thunder that cracks through the clouds resounding in your ears permeates your innermost being. The statement and declaration are clear:

“I’m going to be a dad.”

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As you can probably guess, my life has been pretty busy since then. Pre-planning, saving money, and trying to switch careers are all things that have ensued since hearing the good news and at times I wonder if any of those things will ever be done enough. My immediate thought is, ‘probably not’.

However, I’m happy to walk this road that God has seemed to pave for me. Even though things may seem unclear and distant, I continue to walk forward knowing that ultimately my life is in God’s hands. I just pray that I can be the father that my daughter needs; the father she deserves.

Please pray for me that I will continue to walk intently into the abyss of the unknown with a steadfast faith and a humble heart.

-m.