So everyone who knows me personally should (hopefully) know that I am an orthodox Christian. This means that each person who knows me personally should know that I am far from a saint, prone to falling, and am in need of a savior. Because of all this, we orthodox do something pretty familiar to those of you who are outside of the faith; we confess our sins to a priest (in other words, our spiritual therapist).
When we do this, we open ourselves to our inner reality. We peel back the layer of pride present in all of us which hinders us from seeing ourselves objectively. We also get to experience the Grace of God in a personal and poignant way via absolution.
It was during this particular sacrament when my priest delivered a word of advice to me:
“Right now, in terms of your spiritual and emotional discipline, you’re every where. You’re up and down. Your goal is to be flat. Balanced.”
Damn.
That hit very close to home.
That’s the beauty of confession.
Aren’t we all a bit “all over the place”? It seems like the more we desire to live a quiet and undisturbed life, the more noise and chaos seem to flood in causing our inner state to boil over.
Very rarely do I ever seem to recall a time when I was just…going with the wind, free from the “monkey mind”.
So lately I’m making a bit of a challenge to myself and I am also inviting you to join me on this adventure.
The adventure toward reaching a sense of flatlining.
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We’ve all heard the noise and seen the visual representation. A patient is dying in a hospital bed and their heart rate drops with each breath. The heart rate machine records this experience and sounds off a beeping noise to indicate the heart pulsation.
Beep.
Beep.
…
When suddenly…
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
All of a sudden the medical team swarms into the room and the sad atmospheric music starts playing…
Yeah, you get the point.
That’s a flatline in terms of heart rate.
This means that the heart has stopped beating and the patient is presumably dead.
Although this may seem morbid, this has everything to do with what my beloved priest told me during confession.
You see, after meditating on his words and this picture of flatlining, I am able to see that it’s only when one dies that you can see this sort of heart related flatline. When the body is finally given up to eternal rest, the heart ceases to do what it has always done since being in the womb.
It silences itself.
Similarly, as Christians, we can only learn to “flatline”; that is to turn away from emotional and spiritual delusion and/or excess; when we die to ourselves.
What does this mean?
In my own life, this means cutting off the delusional expectations I put on myself regarding my moral stature. In other words, being honest with myself and acting in that honesty.
This means not being so reactive to the actions of others around me but paying close attention to my own actions and how they affect my neighbor.
It means staying sober minded; being aware of when I speak too much or pray too little.
When I learn to do this, Godwilling, only then can I begin to “flatline”.
I can begin to adhere to a certain consistency in prayer, deed, and thought.
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Flatlining also demands a certain amount of discipline from myself.
Don’t be drunk off of pride.
Don’t delude yourself by thinking you are holier than you are (or aren’t!).
Be consistent with your prayer and daily routine.
Don’t overreact.
Trust in God.
Always…
…
Without hesitation.
All of these can sound intimidating and almost impossible but like the scripture says:
“With God all things are possible”.
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One final thing I’d like to mention is that life can throw absolute curveballs. Like serious shitty curveballs.
Like when I got kicked out of college.
Or when a childhood friend tragically dies in a vehicular accident.
These things happen.
That’s when the idea of flatlining and all these “lofty clichés” seem to not matter anymore.
Trust me, I know.
But what I’ve learned is that life keeps going. Disastrous circumstances will always happen. The only control that I have is my reaction to said circumstance. Now, I can choose to be like an overworking heartbeat and BEEP BEEP BEEP everywhere eventually losing my sense of sanity….
Or
I can choose to rest in what is consistent; to die to that chaos in order to resurrect in clarity.
Especially in these days of political unrest and uncertainty, we’d probably all do well to practice some spiritual flatlining.
So my challenge to myself and to all of you reading is this:
Lay off the social media or at least strive not to digitally react to the posts you see.
Stop watching the news or at least read the news from an unbiased source.
Quiet down and dive into some contemplative hobbies like cooking or woodworking or chess.
Don’t entertain gossip or fruitless chatter.
And I think we can all benefit from saying the Jesus prayer more often.
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”
Amen.
–m.
Of Sand and Bone 